But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. Think of the children. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. Just stay away from mens wallets. Dude, thats seriously out of line. How silly I have been. What a door mat you are! I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. The memories you two have together are yours and yours alone. That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. I know Im stretching here, but That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. You really have no idea what child support means. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. Maam, he didnt waste any time moving on from you. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. Both of those things cant be true, LW. I think that is fair. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. Someone else has assumed it. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. And, like an immature asshole, he decides he doesnt want to own up to his responsibility. Wow, youre a real piece of work, arent you. She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. Dont push him to be with this woman. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. Mostly for the kid though, I think. But still. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? If this is the case then your friend is in the clear because he has no legal responsibility any more. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. That still has no impact on my main points. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. ReginaRey April 9, 2012, 7:09 pm. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. April 10, 2012, 9:36 am. I agree with SweetsandBeets. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. But thats a crime? Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. Id confirm that hes actually the father. I hope the LW takes note of the fact that Amandas comment currently has 61 likes. 6napkinburger Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. I think this guy is a jerk not because he had sex with someone else when he was single, but because he is taking no responsibility for a life he created. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. He says he wants me, but Im afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. I dont feel like his decision to not be involved in his biological childs life makes him an immature asshole. You want to work on your social skills. The dream is a signal for your quest for power. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. Thats all I can really offer. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. It was definitely his decision too. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A ele4phant I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. Guess what LW? He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. the manchild gene!! You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. If the woman is not required to support a child Shall I and all the other taxpayers? April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. bittergaymark If you choose to roll those dice against any odds you have yourself to blame if they dont land in your favor. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. Because she accidentally got pregnant with his child? Hey I have a novel idea. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. He ordered her to get an abortion? We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . But it happened. Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen. A scumbag? Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. This woman might very well be lying. April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? female The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Trap Red Flag #1. Yes? I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. Can you elaborate? Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. I cried and felt so depressed. Understand that he will not leave her for you. Consider the consequences or dont. In the same situation currently. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. female First, abandoned is a bit misleading, since (a) we dont know that theyd broken up before or after she discovered she was pregnant and (b) hes agreed to pay for the child. Its not yours to deal with. As Ive said upthread: a man who sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. Going through a breakup can be tough.It can leave you feeling restless and struggling to fill the white space left behind by the relationship. We've joined the BHM Digital family of websites and have updated our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Maybe because she wants something to love. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. John Rohan I dont care. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. April 12, 2012, 2:47 am. But I guess I looked at it a lot like a woman adopting a baby alone would. No interest in fatherhood? Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. You can get pregnant on birth control! honeybeenicki She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. I wouldnt want to hang around to find out. Is it 100% fair to men or women? Theres a fun scenario. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. So, really, I guess I disagree with the majority of the comments here. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. lets_be_honest However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. . thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. Thats what youre always nattering about. You know, I was thinking about that, too. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo.